a collection of new texts and audio work exploring the physicality of farm labouring, the perils of pregnancy and Welsh coastal mythology
Published through Bloodletting
The other life on board stretches
and begins to pulse.
I know that I’m tired, but aren’t we all.
a slow solidification from a liquid
to thick viscous then solid state.
and it’s wedged.
The hollow tunnel, the transporter.
There’s a blockage, a block.
A no go pass.
My body aches.
It’s located deep in my ribs
as the breath catches in my throat.
I’ve been waiting,
waiting on my back for my body to naturally dissolve.
Slowly my head nods and falls,
the bees have escaped from
behind my retinas.
I choose to rest my eyelids.
Sometime later I wake with the sun burning my face
and perilous squawks above me.
They are circling.
Now is the exact time to panic.
The rocks dig into my spine, and I violently heave
myself and my cargo from side to side,
yet to no avail.
My legs are locked at the knees,
and I’m dangerously isolated.
No trucks, no wellingtons, no dogs in sight.
Two of them land a foot from me,
greedily watching me struggle.
They cautiously claw tap towards me.
It’s swelteringly hot below my coat, and once again
I shudder erupting into involuntary vibrations.
Yet I know my weight is too much,
I force my shoulders and hips forward
but I have no momentum to turn.
I clam up.
And slowly I feel them settle upon my shins.
I kick out as they beginto navigate
over my swelling stomach and torso.
They come to rest on my pulsing neck.
Their claws grip my throat.
I tighten every muscle,
then burst into a cascade of bucks.
For a moment I’m elated as they take flight above
me and I collapse exhausted in the clear silence.
But my shoulder blades arch back into the grass
and my legs lock tight before me.
I’m stranded on my back.
A moment passes.
This time above my head, out of sight.
I strain my neck away
as I hear them approaching.
Then one sharp slice of my lip
and a beak plunges deep through my eyelid.
The pain sears my skull, as two harsh levers
prise and clamp around my eyeball,
and with slow force and suction I lurch forward
as another intense acidic pain erupts
through my sister socket.
I black out.
I wake with the dew on my face,
sight seared shut,
Published through Bloodletting
and mum just got sick in the sink.
She couldn’t make it to the bathroom.
This is unusual.
I woke up because of the noise of the pipes,
but it’s the helicopter that is keeping me awake,
and the sound of the wind.
I crawl into her bed to check she’s ok.
We talk through the plan of the day.
Shearing, childcare, hospital visits.
I didn’t know we planned to
shear the ewes in December.
I don’t feel sick.
But my stomach is weak,
it cautiously flips.
Its because of the opioids,
a dosage with prolonged release.
I have an intolerance,
and now an inability to drive heavy machinery.
I’ve been watching my skin crack.
I’ve been told undesirable effects may also include:
And there’s a base line,
a persistent level of soft sickness,
which lies out of focus.
the bay was featured in a lads’ magazine article.
“The most suicidal beach in the UK.”
I’d always assumed you’d jump
from the top of the hill by the car park,
where all the Samaritans signs are.
But mum says it’s most likely the viewpoint,
overlooking the cove.
We discuss the rescue helicopter.
She says it’s been out there since 3:00.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been back here,
and I had forgotten this happens so often.
Too often, she says.
And always on a Monday,
after domestic incidents at the weekend.
clifftop search patrols,
ribs tracking the coast.
Everyone local knows.
The stationed police officer said he went from
after an earlier attempt at
He’d been called in as missing
so relatively speaking they found him quickly.
And because of the abandoned car,
and a child’s toy they found on the path.
The papers reported it followed
an incident at the office Christmas party.
I read that vertigo is another uncommon side effect,
and mood lability.
An emotional response that is irregular
or out of proportion to the situation at hand.
Expressing outwardly what contradicts the internal.
Leaving infants born to dependent mothers.